Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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