He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My pussy is not your playground.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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