After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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