pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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