i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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