Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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