I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
