I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
