i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
As shirtless as possible
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
