And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
