all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
