he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
