I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
pop tarts are not kleenex
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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