So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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