i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
