when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
