That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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