my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is the high leading the old right now
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
