Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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