I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
