I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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