We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
