Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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