OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it hurts more in the daytime
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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