Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
