...so i touched it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
