Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
