My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't deserve a penis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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