hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
