I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
