There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
