He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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