I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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