It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
