my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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