You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
