nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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