oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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