trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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