god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
