I just cut my nipple shaving
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
