I want to have your abortion
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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