it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
