Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Even my vagina gasped.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
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I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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