reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
