My room smells like vodka and shame
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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