I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
