She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize