Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
