Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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