Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
