remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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