I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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