im about as happy as oj after his trial
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How's work?
Spinning.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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