thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
