thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
