There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
