My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
