It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
