smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
