It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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