I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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