The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
