I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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