a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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