are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
