If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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