My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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