hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
