from now on my penis is your penis
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
