he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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