went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
