i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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