but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need to calm my uterus...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
