I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
