Nicole vs. Life
Soap is not a condiment
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
